Digital Relationships and Mourning

There was never a time in which loneliness felt as severe and prominent as the moment in which we find out that someone we love has passed from our lives. There is always a chance that the report can be wrong, but generally that is not the case. Mourning is considered to be a very private thing. But it is often accepted easier by those in our every day lives if we mourn over someone that they have seen.

But with the way that technology has evolved people are able to make friends and companions around the globe from the safety of their own living rooms. We are not simply restricted to the mundane localities that we exist in day to day. We can open our arms and hearts to the lives of those who may at times, feel just the way that we do. It sometimes feels like a miracle when we find a like minded soul. It is a true blessing when it happens, but as with all things, the world turns and things change.

Thus there is a mourning period when we lose contact with these people we come to connect with. It is not always due to death, at times it can be due to a change in schedule, or even a change in interests. Any of these things can put a strain on a relationship, giving the illusion of a closed door, an end to what is happening. This may not necessarily be a long term problem for some, as it may be a withdrawal moment, but for some others it can be truly devastating.

But the pain is real. It is not an illusion and the ache and hurt that courses through the heart and mind is just as strong as that which our compatriots in our real lives feel. Do not let them try to put your feelings off as irrelevant or overblown. If you feel you need time to mourn and reflect on the way a relationship has gone, take that time. Trying to pretend that things never really mattered at all will not benefit you in the end. It creates a build up of resentment and some bitterness that can color your judgement when it comes to the creation of new social bonds.

So do try to go through the mourning stages. Don't leap into the next thing, and don't give up. Like real life, second life is full of people. Just because one person didn't work out long term, doesn't mean you should give up. Try to go on, even if it hurts. Someone out there is looking for you, you just haven't found each other yet.

I'm a what?

I'm sitting here thoroughly amused by something I was told recently.  And I'm not angry about it at all, I'm actually highly amused. There are differing opinions on the matter though. But I'm going to be looking at this from my point of view, instead of trying to reflect on why other people may think that it's wrong. Admittedly, it is downright impolite and childish to call other people names. But there is always a silver lining.

So what was I called? Well it wasn't just me who was caught in the cross fire of name calling, but I'm content to wear the badge for now. Slut. Mhm, that's supposedly what I am. Writing the word actually brings a rather amused smirk to my face. So we'll start with a definition of the word, as well as some information concerning the way it has evolved.
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slut

1.a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

   b. A woman prostitute.

2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

4. an immoral woman

5. (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Animals) Archaic a female dog

(defined by the dictionary)

The following is a quote from Wikepedia.

"the term has been used as an expression of choice to openly have multiple partners, and revel in that choice: "a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." A slut is a person who has taken control of their sexuality and has sex with whomever they choose, regardless of religious or social pressures or conventions to conform to a straight-laced monogamous lifestyle committed to one partner for life. The term has been "taken back" to express the rejection of the concept that government, society, or religion may judge or control one's personal liberties, and the right to control one's own sexuality.^"

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So in all actuality there isn't a reason that I should find offense in being called a slut. It is a rather... odd word, and not one that I hear often. In fact part of me finds it kind of thrilling to have someone label me with it. Why? Because I haven't had anyone else try to classify me with it before. That doesn't mean  that it is right. But what it does do is have me open my eyes and reflect on what I do. Do I really seem that bad? In my opinion, no.

To live life is to have experiences. Even in second life we are entitled to trial and error. There is no designated right to wrong way to do things. We go through the digital world testing new experiences, making friends and acquaintances along the way. So what if I wanna try out a new vertical mambo pose ball for kicks? It's just pixels. 

Unlike the real world, Second Life holds less danger in exploring thoughts and ideas than real life does. I don't have to worry about who my partner was last with, and what kind of nasty heebe jeebie I might be the lucky recipient of. Unless I want to role play pregnancy, I don't have to worry about that either (And honestly I really don't want to RP that). It really is a place to explore thoughts and ideas without being worried about judgment.

Which leads me to my next point. Many of you are thinking that there must be something wrong with me if I'm trying to say that I accept this as an alright definition of myself. It is not ideal in any way, but I find it amusing. The one word I find to be most useful for expressing why is the one I'm defining next. Immoral. I will explain why this is the key to understanding this issue for me.

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Immoral

1. transgressing accepted moral rules; corrupt

2. sexually dissolute; profligate or promiscuous

3. unscrupulous or unethical

4. tending to corrupt or resulting from corruption

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I do not feel that anything I do or have done is in the intent to corrupt others. I do not feel that I am unethical. And I sure as hell do not feel that I am promiscuous. In fact in all honesty I feel that I am more likely to hold up moral rules than to try and get around them. There is nothing in second life that defines what the moral values and codes are across the board. In fact what is and isn't acceptable changes not only on a daily basis in this digital realm, but by sim. You can go to twenty different sims, and each one will have different values, rules, and expectations.

That said, sure if you want to call me a slut. Fine, call me one. But there are a lot of things that you don't know about me. In fact, there are thousands of things you will never ever know about me. What you do know is from experience and what I have admitted. I would advise that those who are pained by the words of another to really think about what is driving that person to sway what they are saying. Are they frustrated? Jealous? Angry? Lonely? Nine times out of ten their words will be driven by jealousy.

The green eyed monster can make people say horrible things. It can make them do horrible things, and they won't even realize what is altering their behavior in such a horrible way. So smile, and wear your badge of dishonor.  They're only giving it to you because they're not getting what they want.

A Musing on Second Life Relationships

There seems to be a natural order to the way that second life goes. Things come and go,  people change and move along in their second lives. But there are some things that stick with us even after they are gone. The memories, the pictures, and the emotions that still rise when we wander the fields and hills where we spend so much time frolicking together. Yet things change.

Just as in real life people grow and attitudes and needs change. The things that someone finds as thrilling can be found boring, or even disenchanting. Or perhaps real life steps in and takes them away from second life. All these things are unpredictable, and should not be held against our friends. But we should keep them in mind.

The reality of the matter is that the friendships many of us build here in second life are just as real as those that we build in real life. Second life is a social platform created to inspire people to not only socialize with people around the world, but to create and explore the imagination.

Love is a fickle thing. In Second Life it isn't uncommon to see people fall in and out of it quickly. But then there were those that did have that magic spark that seemed to linger. Those people sparkled, and you knew who they were when you spied their names and dots on the radar and map. Those lucky souls that seemed to have it all, just by being together.

But every relationship is built on ideals and expectations. Some relationships started in a whirlwind fanned by lust and desire, while others were the result of cautious exploration and searching. But as in rl the relationships in sl can sometimes simply end. No reason given other than that they were over. Sad I know, but it is  how life goes on in sl.

People are never the same as they were before they love. After love, there's often some lingering emotions, anger, wistfulness, sometimes hope. But no matter what emotions are left after a relationship ends, there are always memories. Memories can be amazing things in many ways. They linger and bring up emotions at times we may think we have lost.

But love is like any other emotion, it can change. But it also blooms in odd ways that we don't always expect. Many of us never plan to find sl love. But some search it out, longing for the company of someone that fills in a void nothing but true understanding can fill. So here's to that unexpected thing, the thing that can't be bottled or caged or kept to oneself.

Here's to friendships may they blossom and bloom eternal. Here's to love, the elusive emotion that is best when shared.

Not looking, thank you kindly. ~Tia~

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Paul: I'm in love with you.
Holly: So what?
Paul: So what? So plenty. I love you. You belong to me.
Holly: No. People don't belong to people.
Paul: Of course they do.
Holly: I'm not gonna let anyone put me in a cage.
Paul: I don't want to put you in a cage. I want to love you.
Breakfast at Tiffany's, 1961