Moving Mainstream?

It baffles me to no end the way that Shades of Grey has been snapped up by various outlets. The book series is very popular, and although it doesn't necessarily present a positive or factual scenario; It has brought the idea of BDSM type activities into a brighter light. I can accept that the movie industry is thinking about making a movie out of it. Popular literature is an appealing source for them, because they have a pre-made target audience and don't have to hope that there is a niche for them.

But this, I wasn't expecting. *points at the cropped photo from her phone*

Yes, they're moving to accessories already. Cutsey t-shirts, underpants, jewelry and thigh high stockings of various sorts are what I saw when I investigated the display in the store. It's not really anything too bad, but are they blurring lines that they ought to leave alone? There are people that are figuring that the books are something to base ideas and activities around. That isn't a bad thing.

But there are lifestylers that may find it annoying to see some things used so flippantly. There are a lot of people that just think that they're dealing with a fashion statement, or expressing their adoration for the interesting "Mr. Grey". But unlike Harry Potter fans, Grey fans may find themselves in some interesting conversations. These can be uncomfortable for both parties involved.

So what I'm trying to get at is this: know what you're wearing. Think about the multi-facets that something can express. Educate yourself on symbolism, and don't be afraid to express yourself. But don't expect everyone to see what you're wearing and interpret it to mean what you've intended it to. So please, I know a number of you DO know what you are doing, and you are all (I think anyways) adults and entitled to do as you like. But take into mind the message your choices may send to those around you.

There are many beautiful things available to accessorize and express yourself. I personally have a set of neon rainbow plastic bamboo look bracelets. I was trounced after work one night (rl) by a group of gay men who felt that if I wasn't gay I shouldn't be wearing them. I had a very long discussion with them, and after we went on our ways. I won't forget it because they seemed slightly hostile at first, but calmed down as we discussed why I wear them. This is only an example of what I mean though. Am sure a number of folk have their own experience, good and bad.

Please have good ones.

A Letter to the Readers

Dear Readers,
Some of you may know me, some of you may not - my name is Sokanon, often shortened to Soka.  And I wanted to be able to reach out to you all about something very serious I have been noticing on SL a lot lately, especially among dear readers and friends of mine - and even with myself.

I have heard a lot about others making people feel lesser.  Second rate, or as if they are somehow dirty or wrong.  One very dear friend of mine recently inferred to me that no one has said anything good about her in a while.  In fact, I've heard a lot more about friends being banned without reason from sims and rumors upon rumors about how bad other people are rather than anything nice being said about someone.

And I have two things to say about that: it is complete and utter bullshit and needs to stop now.  I have met a lot of people on sl, some are not pleasant, but not even the two people I have block-listed would I ever say have no redeeming features.  And that there are people out there who are to the point where they have to thank others for having something, anything, nice to say about them is just wrong.  You should thank people for honest compliments, for doing favors for you - but for just being pleasant?  No.  That should be a courtesy, not an exception to human behavior.  Despite a misconception, we are represented by avatars on SL, but we are all humans behind the forms, not computer chips.  No one should ever have the right or ability to make any single one of us feel like we are two inches tall, or a second-hand stand in for someone they would rather be with, or that we must jump through hoops and change who we are to be deserving of their company.

To borrow the words of a friend of mine, people who continually make you feel like that are a cancer best left removed.  The initial surgery may be painful, but, in the end, you will be so much healthier without them.  Surround yourself with those who see the light in you - even better if they do see what dark there is, too, as that makes them honest.  But anyone who only sees dark is not worth the time of day you have to give, my dear, precious readers.  I also like a line I said recently to another friend of mine: To those who are your true friends, you are always good enough.  There is no need to jump through hoops or hide or change yourself, because you are good enough exactly as you are.

And my true message to you is this: I think that you are beautiful.  It may not be a physical beauty, it may not be something others immediately see as beautiful, but I know, with every fiber of my being, that there is beauty within you.  Some of us may have a way to craft words, like some of my fellow bloggers; others may be able to make instruments sing, or to vocalize in a way that would make you fit to weep; for still others, it is the way they can speak, can reach out to those around them, to connect and rejoice in people and in being.  In truth, I don't care where it lies, but I know it is there, and I want you to know it, too.

So the next time someone decides to feel more powerful, stronger than they are, by trying to cut you down, mute them, or thank them for their opinion, then tell them you would be glad to talk to them again when they can speak from their head, instead of their arse - and then leave them to their darkness, for they are jealous of your light.  Never let them take that light from you.  Remember all that is beautiful about you, from your smile, the curve of your hair, the light in your eyes, the joy you take in your friendships - and walk away knowing that you are the better for being without them, and that they cannot destroy what they can no longer have.

I believe in you, Readers.  I believe in the beauty inside you.  And know that, no matter what others may say, I think you are truly beautiful.

                                                            Yours Truly,      

                                       Soka 

                                           

                                          

I'm a what?

I'm sitting here thoroughly amused by something I was told recently.  And I'm not angry about it at all, I'm actually highly amused. There are differing opinions on the matter though. But I'm going to be looking at this from my point of view, instead of trying to reflect on why other people may think that it's wrong. Admittedly, it is downright impolite and childish to call other people names. But there is always a silver lining.

So what was I called? Well it wasn't just me who was caught in the cross fire of name calling, but I'm content to wear the badge for now. Slut. Mhm, that's supposedly what I am. Writing the word actually brings a rather amused smirk to my face. So we'll start with a definition of the word, as well as some information concerning the way it has evolved.
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slut

1.a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

   b. A woman prostitute.

2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

4. an immoral woman

5. (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Animals) Archaic a female dog

(defined by the dictionary)

The following is a quote from Wikepedia.

"the term has been used as an expression of choice to openly have multiple partners, and revel in that choice: "a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." A slut is a person who has taken control of their sexuality and has sex with whomever they choose, regardless of religious or social pressures or conventions to conform to a straight-laced monogamous lifestyle committed to one partner for life. The term has been "taken back" to express the rejection of the concept that government, society, or religion may judge or control one's personal liberties, and the right to control one's own sexuality.^"

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So in all actuality there isn't a reason that I should find offense in being called a slut. It is a rather... odd word, and not one that I hear often. In fact part of me finds it kind of thrilling to have someone label me with it. Why? Because I haven't had anyone else try to classify me with it before. That doesn't mean  that it is right. But what it does do is have me open my eyes and reflect on what I do. Do I really seem that bad? In my opinion, no.

To live life is to have experiences. Even in second life we are entitled to trial and error. There is no designated right to wrong way to do things. We go through the digital world testing new experiences, making friends and acquaintances along the way. So what if I wanna try out a new vertical mambo pose ball for kicks? It's just pixels. 

Unlike the real world, Second Life holds less danger in exploring thoughts and ideas than real life does. I don't have to worry about who my partner was last with, and what kind of nasty heebe jeebie I might be the lucky recipient of. Unless I want to role play pregnancy, I don't have to worry about that either (And honestly I really don't want to RP that). It really is a place to explore thoughts and ideas without being worried about judgment.

Which leads me to my next point. Many of you are thinking that there must be something wrong with me if I'm trying to say that I accept this as an alright definition of myself. It is not ideal in any way, but I find it amusing. The one word I find to be most useful for expressing why is the one I'm defining next. Immoral. I will explain why this is the key to understanding this issue for me.

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Immoral

1. transgressing accepted moral rules; corrupt

2. sexually dissolute; profligate or promiscuous

3. unscrupulous or unethical

4. tending to corrupt or resulting from corruption

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I do not feel that anything I do or have done is in the intent to corrupt others. I do not feel that I am unethical. And I sure as hell do not feel that I am promiscuous. In fact in all honesty I feel that I am more likely to hold up moral rules than to try and get around them. There is nothing in second life that defines what the moral values and codes are across the board. In fact what is and isn't acceptable changes not only on a daily basis in this digital realm, but by sim. You can go to twenty different sims, and each one will have different values, rules, and expectations.

That said, sure if you want to call me a slut. Fine, call me one. But there are a lot of things that you don't know about me. In fact, there are thousands of things you will never ever know about me. What you do know is from experience and what I have admitted. I would advise that those who are pained by the words of another to really think about what is driving that person to sway what they are saying. Are they frustrated? Jealous? Angry? Lonely? Nine times out of ten their words will be driven by jealousy.

The green eyed monster can make people say horrible things. It can make them do horrible things, and they won't even realize what is altering their behavior in such a horrible way. So smile, and wear your badge of dishonor.  They're only giving it to you because they're not getting what they want.